My life was dawdling in the Narthex of Cool (NC) before, but now it’s breaking all kinds of barriers into the Inner Sanctum of Radical (ISR).

It’s the little things, really: I just scored a bluetooth headset for 50% off when it wasn’t even on sale in the first place; I’m into a totally amazing guy and may get to be his totally amazing girlfriend; Christmas with my family was great, and I adore them because they’re just as nutty as I am; I get to go to Germany in one month!  I’m becoming more gutsy and honest about how happy I am with my life changes lately; My step-sister and I are real friends which adds to the very short list of women whom I trust with my true self; I’m having one of the easiest work weeks I’ve had in months (sorry CTI, I won’t bleed overtime this week!); My college friend just got engaged; and I found a great bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding.

And hell, the sun was shining today.

Welcome to the ISR.

White Whiny

Why isn’t Google Reader working? How can i keep up with all my blogs and websites if i can’t view the feeds? This settles it; Google is not the messiah.

This is the error I’m getting:

var _STREAM_LIST_STREAM_PREF = {“streamprefs”:{“user/05479955413994873644/label/people”:[{"id":"is-expanded","value":"true"}, {"id":"subscription-ordering","value": "A9EFDAD0FAC453A7F59C622396B3A9518D45678E88FE5434A5579739F01DEEC71584DADF"}],” user/054799554139

Yeah… hot. My White Whine for the day.

Baby it’s cold outside

All my life I’ve been part of Christianity in some form or another. I was raised in a passionately vibrant Christian home; I “prayed the prayer” when I was 9; I spent the rest of my life never once doubting that there was a God (Yahweh) and Jesus was his son who died for me. I was a missionary, a leader, a wannabe scholar, and desperate for more of God.

Now I’m not.
And I’m noticing just how difficult it is to be non-religious in the USA, on this forum, and in my daily life. I feel like a loner kid gripping the chain link fence outside of a playground, suddenly shut out of all the games and social groups. I stand there pleading, “I am still me! I have good ideas! Why can’t I play too?”

Where did my voice go? Being heard is so much more difficult now. I have to fight against the censors people unconsciously put up against non-believers. I now have less wisdom, insight, morality, and respectability (all of a sudden).

People have told me I was never saved in the first place. I suppose 16 years of passion for God and trying to ‘walking the walk’ makes me a real tool. I was so good at fooling myself, was I?
Invalidation is becoming something that grates on me the most.

My ego is taking a beating, and I suppose I’m taking much of this personally. I know there will need to be some time to adjust. How can I make this transition?