Owning my sexuality

Virginity, I think, is more highly valued than it should be in some cases. Purity and integrity are more important than the physical state of one’s hymen.
Originally Posted by JulySheMustFly
I hate these kinds of topics. They always make someone feel “less than” for the experiences they’ve had in their life and how they’ve coped with their experiences.

Who cares what is technically a virgin or not a virgin. I think that focus misses the point. Purity is about heart. And the whole concept that a man who might claim to love a woman could or even should put her away as a result of any virginal or non-virginal status is absolutely saddening.

Of course, ditto. I think this is a leftover mentality from the darkest recesses of a patriarchal society that valued the man’s seed more than the wellbeing of women, the family tree more than the nurturing of the family unit, and so on. We see this in all kinds of areas, like white wedding dresses, women being beaten for being in the company of a man not in her own family, etc.

What bothers me is the double standard throughout history. Who checks to see if a man is a virgin when he’s married? Nobody. Not even in Scripture is this made important. Its all about the women, the vehicles for childbearing, staying virginal until marriage. A guy who has a lot of sex is a “stud”, a woman is a “skank”. It’s biased and unfair.

I don’t think there is a “moral virginity” or “spiritual virginity”, but I know where people are coming from when they use this term. There doesn’t need to be a moral or spiritual version. It’s physical. Period. And it doesn’t change your value as a person or indicate anything about your character or morals.

I think it’s wrong to see a violated woman who had her virginity stolen from her as anything “less” or “dirty”. No woman should have to hide her reality from a man or feel guilty for a traumatic experience (or even having her hymen broken while riding a horse). It makes no sense to carry such a cultural shame.

Oh, and another thing (because this topic just hits so many nerves), virginity does not make you holier, more godly, or better than anyone else. Mary, the mother of Jesus, was not more spiritual if she was a virgin. Nuns, priests and monks are not closer to God because they never marry. I don’t think God blesses virgins more than non-virgins. The idea that “God still loves you despite your broken hymen (which makes you less righteous somehow)” grates on my nerves.

Love and Loneliness

I should not be awake. I fell asleep watching The Pink Panther (1963) after becoming unbearably fatigued. Of course, I woke up for one reason or another around midnight, and now can’t seem to get back to sleep. I have a lot on my mind—namely: love, loneliness, and bodily resurrection (the latter inspired by the novel I just finished reading, The Betrayal: The Lost Life of Jesus, by Kathleen O’Neal Gear and W. Michael Gear). I won’t be posting about resurrection tonight. I might not sleep at all, if I attempt that kind of thinking.

So what about Love and Loneliness? I saw WALL*E today with Helen; I can’t recall the last movie I saw on its opening day, so that was fun on its own. Pixar just can’t go wrong. My immediate reaction after the credits rolled was “that was the ballsiest animated film I’ve ever seen.” This is the most “grown up” movie Pixar has made. It lacks a lot of what we come to expect from animated movies, like a reliance on snappy dialog and pop-culture references. Instead, this movie says something:

We need each other. We might be able to survive alone, but we won’t truly live.
Love is the high goal of life itself. Not just romantic love, but love for beauty and culture and the simple joys of creating and building and thriving. Loving our past, present, and future. Humanity needs hope.
As stated by director Andrew Stanton, the opposite of love is loneliness.  We’re all afraid of being alone. I know I am. But being alone can happen even when we’re surrounded by crowds of people, going through our technology-infused lives, isolating ourselves, and forsaking being close and intimate with others. All it takes to stop loneliness is to reach out and touch someone–again, to love.

I saw WALL*E shortly after watching this clip of the late George Carlin’s bit on “stuff”. Note: crude language abounds.
I find it profound, and when compared to WALL*E‘s  visual of mountains and structures built of discarded stuff, I think of the humans in the movie being cast off from their home by their consuming consumerism.  I wonder if the things in life keep us from the love of life.

boys and girls

The question remains: can heterosexual males and females be (just) friends? Will there always be a waxing and waning of interest or sexual tension or attraction? Is that what holds some friendships together? Do some men/women just use opposite sex friendships to make up for a romantic void?

I suppose a lot of friendships are like that—filler until something better comes along. For instance, I was very close friends with one guy from high school and through college. We had wonderful conversations, thoughtful insights, and could be quite real with one another. To get it out of the way, I’ll admit I had tiny crushes on him on and off. But that didn’t cause or end the friendship. It was a side effect of being emotionally close with him, I suppose. As soon as he got married—poof—he was gone. I haven’t spoken to him in three years. It grieves me, but I don’t want to step on his wife’s toes. I don’t think she liked me very much anyhow. But I do miss our friendship very much.

Another male friend of mine and I seemed to connect out of our singleness. We’ve known each other since 2002 or so, and I admire him and enjoy him very much. We used to talk daily, if not multiple times a day for whatever reason. Somehow I think that was simply a placeholder until his girlfriend came into the picture. No word from him about it, just a lack of communication. And since I find it offensive to have to chase friends just to keep some sort of menial contact, I’ve basically placed him on the back shelf of “we had a sort of closeness once”.

Common theme, really. I get along well with men, but am soon pushed back behind the new, bright toy that lives freshly dusted in the front. That’s okay, I suppose, since one’s most intimate relationships require more attention and give more in return. I try to have understanding and empathy since I’m certain I’ve done the same to others when in a dating relationship. That doesn’t lessen my fondness for what I once had.

But I still wonder… should I even become close to male friends in the first place? Can I even help it? should I always expect an unceremonious end?