I’m uberspackle

Let me introduce you to “uberspackle”, a slang I made up years ago with Tray to describe something very special, and usually weird or funny. It stems from the words “├╝ber” and “special”.

This is why I am uberspackle:

  • I love talking into a fan. I did it all the time as a kid, and would make that weird vibrating voice and silly sounds.
  • During the winter I used to stand after my showers with my bare feet over the heating vent, letting the air woosh up my legs. I miss central air/heat!
  • I love that feeling I get after popping your ears when suddenly I can hear so much better! It’s like hearing a new world.
  • I absolutely love cracking my joints. My neck is probably the best, but when I get a good wrist crack to happen, I just looove that feeling.
  • If I keep any paper at all in my hands for over a minute, it will be folded, crunched, or lost. I have very “busy” hands.
  • I like chewing on my cuticles and biting my nails into little pieces. I’m so gross!
  • I talk to myself and sometimes can’t stop. I think aloud and have pretend conversations, sometimes even saying “And I’m talking to myself again” out loud, followed by “Shh!”… I mean, really, I’m a wacko.
  • I like dunking bread into liquids… and if it’s regular bread slices, I first crush them in my palm so they hold together. I used to snack on just bread and orange juice.
  • I only have a dining room set to please visitors, and because I wouldn’t know what to do with that space if a table wasn’t there. I never eat on it without company.

12 Reasons why gay people should not be allowed to marry

I found this during a google search on the legal issues surrounding the homosexual marriage debate. Couldn’t help but be amused! I wish there was a source, but I couldn’t find one.

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control. [Or in-vitro fertilization, food preservatives, and shoes --J.]

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life-spans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

For folks who don’t understand humor, this is tongue-in-cheek, and it is not my own work.
-the eye-rolling management