And in the car tonight

And in the car tonight after all was done and finished with our day together as friends, I told Jenn what I really wanted in my future. I told her the truth, and this time I didn’t even put ounces of denial on my shoulders; not a bit. It felt cool like a brisk relief of air after practically drowning myself in untruths and detours. I have to be completely real more often. I depend on it for survival. Truth sets me free. How ironic. You wouldn’t think all of the cliches in life would be true in the end.

And then here I am empty at home. My suitcase isn’t prepared, my mind is unable to rest but my body is in such pain that tears threaten my face at the thought of traveling upstairs to fix any of my temporary problems. I thank my God for Ibuprophen, the only drug to keep my legs going even when both quads are being stabbed by violence. We do not stretch our quads in acting class, I noticed. I had no idea I would ruin my legs by doing one machine across the stage. All of that low squatting and walking crouched down did a horror on my ability to climb and descend slopes and stairs.

And I wish I wasn’t going to be so hot. 83 degrees they say? Florida is at its lovely winter peak and I am lucky enough to baste myself in it like a roast turkey (lightly marinated of course) within a sunlit oven. Grief I’m only prepared for winter. If anyone lives in Michigan they understand spring doesn’t even happen until April. Culture/Sensory Shock. I’m excited but by examining it I am becoming more nervous than I should be. My stomach has become a Twist & Shout pretzel tied too tight.

I’ll be fine. I only need to climb the stairs…

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