So how do I sum up the past few days? How do I even begin to explain what my mind has gone through?
It all started with an auto accident.
No wait, I’ll get back to that in a bit.
It all started when I decided to switch servers from Cyberpixels to Netrillium. Oh, it was going to be easy. Oh yes. And it was going to be seamless. But neither of those things came to fruition. First off, I got the dns servers wrong so for a whole day my domain didn’t have a home (puts a new meaning on homeless in the internet world) and I didn’t know why. Once I got them right, I was money. Then I discovered my journal was down. “Why so?” I asked. I investigated and found that MovableType had been corrupted during a faulty server switch. I couldn’t publish to it nor see it. So while talking to my hero Andy, he gave me the bright idea to upgrade mt. In the middle of the upgrade, my cgi files are somehow murdered. I claim negligent homicide on my part. At this point I can’t even log in to MT much less work on it. So, on further advice from Andy, I delete the whole damn thing altogether. Uhm, not smart. I didn’t export all of my entires. Of course, this was impossible at that point, but perhaps if I had waited longer… Anyway, I plunged ahead, deleting MT from my server completely. BYE BYE JOURNAL. So I’m asking this girl Tasha about how to use MySQL, installing a new verion of MT, and using my old archives… she, in more words, said I screwed myself into a corner and she didn’t want to help me and didn’t think she could. So I installed MT for myself, set up the MySQL database, and am starting from scracth. That’s right. SCRATCH. I have nothing left. I nearly burst into tears yesterday. But yesterday was a mess.
Still reading? wow.
So here it is, a “brand new” journal with amnesia. I miss my old entires. I had almost three years worth. If you know how to import entires from html, please tell me. I will have to adore you.
So my weekend started with a bang. Literally. It was all my fault, really. I ran the stop sign. He hit me. My car spun and squaled to a stop, throwing Tara and I around. We wore our seat belts. So did he. We were ok. So was he. He swore. I appologized. Cop lights flashed. Our cars got towed.
All of friday afternoon and night was spent shaking from shock and emotional distress. My body didn’t shiver as if I was cold, but it was a deep constant shudder that felt like tearless sobs from my toes to my head. I was a wreck all day, even moreso than my poor car. My day went by in a blur. I think I went to Target and ate out with friends. All I could think of was the accident. I kept waiting for my body to get stiff and sore, but I was saved the physical pain. Finally, when my Dad called me with the insurance information I broke. As soon as I hung up, my tears burst forth like a broken dam. I couldn’t stop crying and sobbing and worrying and I certainly couldn’t solve my problems. My journal was dead and my car was taken from me and it was all my fault. My emotions went haywire. I couldn’t control myself.
And then Noah’s friends came over, the two girls I was hosting that night for Noah. I couldn’t handle people. I was torn up inside.
I spent an hour with God and my prayer journal after the two high schoolers went to bed. Thank you God for how you healed my mind. I spent three hours talking to Natalie in the cluster. Thank you God for Natalie whom I am getting to know better and better each day. She saved my night from being stained with tears. Thank you God for keeping us all safe from physical harm and from saving me from my own guilt. And thank you for saving my journal. Only you know how important it is to me…
OK I’m done now. Welcome back to my life, everyone.