Hello everyone. First of all I want to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and good wishes. It really makes a difference- one I can almost touch and taste physically. That perhaps is an experience so holy I should not even try to describe it. Thank you for everything.
Secondly, I am now home with my family, all four of us. My father did pass away Saturday evening (February 8th) at 6:30pm from breast cancer.
He left us with our good wishes and “see you later”s along with some of the most heartfelt thanks for how he has changed and made our lives into what they are today and what they will be forever. I got some very, very special one-on-one time with him, and received my last physical kiss. That was so sweet… I feel that he could hear me speak to him even thought he was pretty much out of it… He left in grace and I believe lept into Heaven with exuberance and excitement, ready for the huge party of welcome that awaited him. I can pictue my Grandma greeting him with a huge hug and a dance around the throne. He would run, she would spin. What a lovely picture to have in the ‘back pocket’ of my mind.
I did a lot of crying… Especially before he died. The deep saturating sobs felt good and I’m happy that God allowed me to get over myself and finally be able to cry whenever I wanted to.
I’m not really sure what to do now. What to say. How to act or feel. I’m sure I have many more tears to cry, and right soon. The visitation is on Wednesday at our home church and we’re having the funeral on Thursday at the church as well. Contact me if you want any information on those events, ok?
I can only do so much to honor my dad. I am sure I will keep noticing how my everyday life honors his memory. I notice how I look and act is so similar to how he looked and acted. His manerisms leaked through down the genetic line. I hope I will never stop striving to be like him… to talk to him in my head.
He and I had a very nice conversation the morning after… I was sitting with my feet covered in sand, my legs crossed and shells poking me through my pajamas. The sun was up, but orange still. I took my journal outside with me as soon as my eyes opened. A warm breeze wrinkled the pages and I wrote and wrote to my two fathers in Heaven, one father praising the other. I talked a bit to Grandma as well… It was a bit more of that special healing that can happen when you’re alone on a lovely beach with pelicans swooping above and the waves licking at the sand only feet away. Of all of the places for him to leave… Sanibel Island was a good choice for the Lord. Thank you God for giving me those few days of rest…
I hope to talk to some of you soon. I know I’d like to, especially if it’s just normal conversation. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the elephant in the room, but sometimes it is rather necessary to get on with life.
Well, that’s all I have for now. I’ll update once in a while when I feel like it.
I love you Daddy.
my email address for those of you who don’t know, is ——. You can contact me if you wish, no matter who you are.