Nobody should claim that the fun stops happening after death takes someone away. Talking about Dad and how human he was has made so many laughs, so many good times. Thanks Dad for being a man who changes lives. I want to be that kind of woman…
I’m being so abundantly blessed. My friends are the best I could ever ask for. More people than I can count are praying for my family. I imagine all of those prayers getting taken up into some great glass mixing bowl, a wooden spoon stirring them around into an aromatic sauce, and that sauce being poured out onto every person in my family. It tastes like fresh rain and flows like warm honey.
So tomorrow (today by this clock) we do the visitation at my church… Everyone I know seems to be coming… And to those of you who cannot make it and want to, you amaze me and I treasure you from here. I don’t know how my social evergy will stay up for all of that time at the church… with so many memories floating around like butterflies, licking at my cheeks and making my tears drop. I think seeing all of my relatives and friends…and all of those people I don’t even know who just loved my Dad… that will give me so much loveenergy. I don’t know what to do to bear it all. Can one person ever bear so much love? How do I do this?
Today Tara, Jamie, and Natalie blessed me by driving down into Ann Arbor and taking me out to dinner and watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding with me. They’re staying through Thursday and then JAmie has to drive back to Hope. Nat and T are staying for a while though… They’re angels. I don’t know what I would do without these amazing friends I’ve grown to fit like a jigsaw puzzle. They’re all different shapes and colors and have edges and bends at different points… but they fit with me. I would be bare without them. And that goes for every one of you whom I am good friends with. I would be so incomplete without you.
Tomorrow I am making a few picture boards for the visitation tomorrow. We have the best pictures of Dad to share. I’m nervous about the funeral… I’m sharing a poem I wrote for him after he got diagnosed with this final stage of cancer about two years ago. I… don’t really know if I’ll even make it through the first verse without tears. And that’s not even accounting for how nervous I get speaking in public. We shall see. I need God to help me with that because I feel so much ownership of that poem. I would really like to read it on my own… Anyway. Dad has read it and that’s all that matters.
Please pray that I am able to communicate with my own head. This grief pairing with my already messed up brain might not work too well. So far I’m ok… A rollercoaster. Wondering what to do… worrying sometimes. But then again, why not take my quiet times to heart? Why should I worry about tomorrow or the next day after that? Each day can worry about itself.
Right. If only I could have that shouted in my ear twenty four hours a day. :)
Thank you again to all of you who have given me comfort and support and love. You probably don’t even know who you are. But if you’re reading this, assume it is you. I know you will be blessed because you bless me.