love and family

ow will I be able to concentrate at work? My hunk-o-burnin-love is arriving today! I’ve got things to do, but all this thinking about cleaning up my apartment, going to the bank, finding my way around the airport, dealing with traffic, preparing my work ahead for my days off… it’s all crowding my head ;)

So this “job thing” is kind of sliding off the radar even though here I sit… at work… sipping on peach flavoured Propel.
It’s yummy, but not with my granola bar. I can always taste the difference between more natural sweetening and ‘fake’ sweetening.

So last night I was having a blast cleaning up my bathroom and kitchen (well, the dishes anyway). It was all about the jams and doing my own interpretation of that one Tom Cruise movie with the scene in the shirt and undies and the music… you know the one.
I love living alone. But I’d sacrifice that for better company! You just shouldn’t make an extrovert be alone for that long. Your ears will regret it later. She’ll talk them off and then say she’s just getting started and thank you so much for actually listening to her because she’s been so quiet lately that she hasn’t felt truly “great” in a while and talking just helps her process things so you’re really being a great help and would you like a cookie?

So this Saturday is wedding day for my mother and Henry. I realized that I should know how many people will be in my family… but I don’t. Do you count my brother’s daughter? Do you count his wife? If so, you probably have to count Henry and his daughter too since they’re married in. But no offense to those connected by marriage, but it’s not the same as blood family. the King family (which I will still call it even though Mommy dearest won’t be one) is getting more weird by the year. First it was 5 people…. then 4 when Dad died. Now… what is it? I suppose I could say  I’m not the youngest child anymore since E is a teenager. But I don’t have a younger sister or brother. That relates some kind of long-standing relationship and a sister-to-sister bond, right?

Why am I so closed off to it all? Why can’t I just say “My family of 8”? why do I feel the need to clarify that it includes an in-law, a niece, my mother’s husband and his daughter? Why must I keep them at a distance?
See, my gut reaction is to include my brother’s family because I believe in families being extended and still having that bond of “family”. But I don’t know why I think of Mom’s “new family” differently. I just don’t feel connected that way. I’m not  gaining a father here. I will never, ever have another father figure in my life. I am an adult. My dad’s gone. Plain as that. Henry isn’t trying to be one either. But  as for a step-sister? I’m working on it. E and I might become pals of sorts… but sisters? What makes a sister? Maybe Mir could tell me.

OK well I suppose I have to work now. On something. Yummm peach propel…