Is this old adage true? Do nice guys finish last? I read something that honestly made my eyebrows shoot up. I especially want the male perspective on this quote because I have no idea what you all think about this subject.
You need to understand the important fact that the “bad” in the “bad boy” isn’t what really ultimately attracts the female; the male in the bad boy is what attracts her. The bad boy lacks overly female characteristics, so early on he is an easier place for the female psyche to find what she craves in a man-–maleness. The nice guy’s maleness might be hidden behind his “feminine side” and therefore harder for the female to spot. With a few adjustments to communication and presentation, however, the nice guy can learn to release the varying aspects of his personality at appropriate times, thus intriguing the female more deeply.
NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE: STEPS TOWARD NEVER HEARING AGAIN, “You’re a Nice Guy, But…”
If you, the male of the relationship, have ever said something like, “How come you act more like a man than a girl?” then you’ve just diagnosed yourself as the nice guy. So what do you do now? How do you make sure your next dating adventure doesn’t end in friendship alone? Here are SOME steps to help you become less of a nice guy and more of a guy she wants:
1. Don’t tell her you love her too early on. Make sure she is dying to hear you say it before you ever do.
2. Don’t get too far ahead of her emotionally. Women love a guy who knows how to lead. Guys should define the relationship. When the time comes, say “I love you” first, and keep the relationship on track, but part of this is knowing your timing. Get too far ahead of her emotionally and you lose.
3. Don’t talk more than she does. Sure, girls love a guy who talks with her, but she also likes to be heard, so don’t try to compete with her in the area of talking. Always lag a bit behind to keep her guessing.
4. HAVE A LIFE. Guys who suddenly make the girl their entire life are boring. Girls want to see you with your friends, playing sports, working on cars, whatever – just have a life so she doesn’t feel like she has to support you emotionally. That’s your job for her, not hers for you, early on in the relationship. (Note: as the relationship progresses toward and into marriage, the relationship grows and matures, and all of these things change. But you’re making a mistake if you take the relationship there too quickly. That only makes you just another nice guy. We are talking about getting you Marriable, and this puts you in a better position.)
—>Hayley and Michael DiMarco, authors of Marriable – Taking the desperate out of dating.
Back to my eyebrows which are now firmly tied upwards… Is the timing of “I love you” such an important issue? The rest of this little article mentions the timing of “I love you” more than twice, as if that’s a determining factor of how to make or break your relationship. Does timing even enter a guy’s mind?
Is mystery something all women want deep down? How is that a male trait instead of both a female and male trait? Is it just a form of playing mind games to keep someone interested? Guessing? Is it an ego-stroking method of communication?
Is the author right about what attracts a woman to a man? Is it psychobabble? Can you identify? Are you offended?