Dear Mr. JCYBEEF,
You intrigue me. I noticed the glint of fresh wax on your bright yellow 2006 Mustang in the parking lot today. And as I stared at the giant hemp rope looped around your rear view mirror I began to wonder about the loud proclamation of ripe meat on your license plate.
Are you really a man? Do you truly prefer beef to a succulent chicken breast? Are you keen on insulting the fishing industry and vegetarians everywhere with your declaration? Or is this perhaps a statement reflecting the moistness of your ego? Perhaps it illustrates how it feels for you to squeeze your biceps and quads after a hard workout. I started to wonder… is your beef lean and gamey? Is it fatty and thus more tasty than other beef? Do you give your JCYBEEF a rubdown with kosher salt before eating?
I wonder if I would be as fascinated with you if your license plate said “ROTNBEEF”. Would that belong on a sunshine yellow ‘Stang? Are you at all insecure about your beefiness? Perhaps “JCYHUNK” didn’t fit the vibe you were going for. Maybe it was taken. Maybe you realized that “hunk” is out of date; it seems your JCYBEEF will never expire (so long as you renew the tags in JUL07).
I wonder what the folks at the DMV thought when they read this special request. Did you smile? Blush? Did you have a tiny bead of sweat on your forehead as Mr. LicensePlateSubmissionMan raised his overgrown eyebrow at you in disgust?
I wonder if you wear muscle shirts.
Who are you, Mr. JCYBEEF? Would I know you if I met you at the mall? Do you grow ice crystals when you’re out in the freezing weather? Can I call you Chuck? Or perhaps you’re more of a Round kind of guy.
The real question is… do you leak when squeezed?