Ever since last night I’ve been thinking about one of my exes. I had a long dream all about him that caught me off guard completely. The way the dream played out, and how I keep remembering certain parts of it, has been tickling at my mind all day long.
B was in my life for a total of 7 years. I haven’t talked to him, heard anything about him, or even known if he’s alive for the last 2. I once searched for him on myspace, facebook, and google… but thankfully nothing came up. I slapped myself on the wrist for searching–because looking meant perhaps finding which meant perhaps getting in touch which is a nono). I am afraid of knowing. That was months ago.
So why the dream? Why is he like a mosquito in my ear again? I’m so relieved that I don’t need to be in contact anymore… but there is a sliver of me that still cares to know how he is and even just where he is–if only to know where not to be. But like an orbiting moon, I would be never touching, yet always circling. To be ignorant is better. Much better. If only I could get my mind on other things! Perhaps another long sleep will shove that dream and its magnetic influence away from me for good.