Ten years ago I began to share my life on the internet. I just realized, while updating my “this is she” page, that I’ve had a blog (well, back the it was called a journal) since ’97/’98. Never mind the fact that my internet prowess included animated .GIF images, tiled backgrounds, copyright infringement, and WYSIWYG Angelfire templates. How could I have ever guessed that one day I’d have a job that brings internet content to (at least) 80,000 visitors per day. Thank god things have changed since the Angelfire days or lore.
It makes me sit back and sigh to ponder what happens in the span of a decade. These have been my formative years, shaping me into the adult I am today. Ten years ago, I was beginning to shed childhood like old skin, adjusting my fit as a teenager, and trying to dog-paddle my way through what felt like an endless stream of question marks. I took comfort in the illusion that I had answers to life’s big questions. I believed ideals were possible and love was more powerful than circumstances. I was impractical, emotional, and passionate.
Back then I was a sophomore in high school, falling in love with a new long-distance boyfriend, and a consummate youth-groupie dedicated to my church and my friends. Rose colored glasses and an intense desire to be loved by everyone I met shaped my daily life. I already had secrets to keep—a consequence of my naivety and insecurity. I was a people-pleaser, a good student, and an unabashed flirt.
In some ways, I still am that girl. Ten years just make for a more complex version of me, perhaps. But now I have more layers, more wisdom, more baggage, and more questions.