boys and girls

The question remains: can heterosexual males and females be (just) friends? Will there always be a waxing and waning of interest or sexual tension or attraction? Is that what holds some friendships together? Do some men/women just use opposite sex friendships to make up for a romantic void?

I suppose a lot of friendships are like that—filler until something better comes along. For instance, I was very close friends with one guy from high school and through college. We had wonderful conversations, thoughtful insights, and could be quite real with one another. To get it out of the way, I’ll admit I had tiny crushes on him on and off. But that didn’t cause or end the friendship. It was a side effect of being emotionally close with him, I suppose. As soon as he got married—poof—he was gone. I haven’t spoken to him in three years. It grieves me, but I don’t want to step on his wife’s toes. I don’t think she liked me very much anyhow. But I do miss our friendship very much.

Another male friend of mine and I seemed to connect out of our singleness. We’ve known each other since 2002 or so, and I admire him and enjoy him very much. We used to talk daily, if not multiple times a day for whatever reason. Somehow I think that was simply a placeholder until his girlfriend came into the picture. No word from him about it, just a lack of communication. And since I find it offensive to have to chase friends just to keep some sort of menial contact, I’ve basically placed him on the back shelf of “we had a sort of closeness once”.

Common theme, really. I get along well with men, but am soon pushed back behind the new, bright toy that lives freshly dusted in the front. That’s okay, I suppose, since one’s most intimate relationships require more attention and give more in return. I try to have understanding and empathy since I’m certain I’ve done the same to others when in a dating relationship. That doesn’t lessen my fondness for what I once had.

But I still wonder… should I even become close to male friends in the first place? Can I even help it? should I always expect an unceremonious end?


One thought on “boys and girls

  1. Oh wow Jules…I just read an old convo of ours and realized you might still have this site, which indeed you do!

    But on the topic of this, yes I think it’s possible. It’s just hard. One of my best friends right now is a guy and instead of being pushed out of his life because of his girlfriend I am actually more in it since she and I get along so well. I think that a guy having a girlfriend probably also makes it a LOT easier to not have that sexual tension there however as well.

    Anyhow, miss you girly.

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