I hate these kinds of topics. They always make someone feel “less than” for the experiences they’ve had in their life and how they’ve coped with their experiences.
Who cares what is technically a virgin or not a virgin. I think that focus misses the point. Purity is about heart. And the whole concept that a man who might claim to love a woman could or even should put her away as a result of any virginal or non-virginal status is absolutely saddening.
Of course, ditto. I think this is a leftover mentality from the darkest recesses of a patriarchal society that valued the man’s seed more than the wellbeing of women, the family tree more than the nurturing of the family unit, and so on. We see this in all kinds of areas, like white wedding dresses, women being beaten for being in the company of a man not in her own family, etc.
What bothers me is the double standard throughout history. Who checks to see if a man is a virgin when he’s married? Nobody. Not even in Scripture is this made important. Its all about the women, the vehicles for childbearing, staying virginal until marriage. A guy who has a lot of sex is a “stud”, a woman is a “skank”. It’s biased and unfair.
I don’t think there is a “moral virginity” or “spiritual virginity”, but I know where people are coming from when they use this term. There doesn’t need to be a moral or spiritual version. It’s physical. Period. And it doesn’t change your value as a person or indicate anything about your character or morals.
I think it’s wrong to see a violated woman who had her virginity stolen from her as anything “less” or “dirty”. No woman should have to hide her reality from a man or feel guilty for a traumatic experience (or even having her hymen broken while riding a horse). It makes no sense to carry such a cultural shame.
Oh, and another thing (because this topic just hits so many nerves), virginity does not make you holier, more godly, or better than anyone else. Mary, the mother of Jesus, was not more spiritual if she was a virgin. Nuns, priests and monks are not closer to God because they never marry. I don’t think God blesses virgins more than non-virgins. The idea that “God still loves you despite your broken hymen (which makes you less righteous somehow)” grates on my nerves.