what we want

A friend of mine referred me to a book by Mike Bickle titled the Seven Longings of the Human Heart. I did some searching around for a synopsis just in case I wanted to pluck it up—or at least keep an eye open for it on the Free Book Shelves here at work. Books like this tend to cycle through fairly regularly.

Bickle’s premise is aimed at the seasoned Christian reader (probably evangelical, though I can’t explain why I get that impression exactly). The most basic message seems to be that in God, all of these pure desires can be fulfilled. And further: that if we become close and intimate with the God who loves us, we won’t be in despair when we can’t find our deepest desires fulfilled by imperfect people or temporary pleasures in this world. I’m sure there’s more to it, but I suppose we should all read it for ourselves to find out.

From what I’ve read so far (which I admit is not enough), a non-Christian or even a new believer might get lost in the christianese vocabulary and tone. I want to open this topic up to people of all belief systems, since I think these most basic desires do apply to all of us.

See the seven desires after the cut.

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Come on, shake it off…

Ever since last night I’ve been thinking about one of my exes. I had a long dream all about him that caught me off guard completely. The way the dream played out, and how I keep remembering certain parts of it, has been tickling at my mind all day long.

B was in my life for a total of 7 years. I haven’t talked to him, heard anything about him, or even known if he’s alive for the last 2. I once searched for him on myspace, facebook, and google… but thankfully nothing came up. I slapped myself on the wrist for searching–because looking meant perhaps finding which meant perhaps getting in touch which is a nono). I am afraid of knowing. That was months ago.

So why the dream? Why is he like a mosquito in my ear again? I’m so relieved that I don’t need to be in contact anymore… but there is a sliver of me that still cares to know how he is and even just where he is–if only to know where not to be. But like an orbiting moon, I would be never touching, yet always circling. To be ignorant is better. Much better. If only I could get my mind on other things! Perhaps another long sleep will shove that dream and its magnetic influence away from me for good.

A wish for clarity expressed without clarity

I’m not used to limbo. I prefer surety to mystery–at least with my personal or emotional life. I want the security of understanding myself, where I stand, how things work, and what I’m feeling. This contrasts with the thrill of not knowing, discovering, and hoping. Every time I’m stuck in “No Clue Land” I learn how impatient I can be. There are times when I’m very chill and enjoying the moments as they come … but apparently I cannot yet stop my insatiable curiosity and eagerness.

I’ve been in suspense for a few weeks now, and I don’t think I’ll have any definitions or clarity for quite a few more. I’m on clouds of Maybe, floating between indefinable destinations. As the wind goes, there go I. Even so my feet are stretching, aching for the ground beneath. Part of me is thankful for the space beneath. I’m learning patience once again–the one lesson for which one should never pray lest they receive what they want.

I’m happy; I’m thankful; and I suppose the mystery is going to last whether I like it or not. The friendly duel between my instincts and my wisdom continues.