Where’s the white chocolate?

Here’s a little taste of racism for ya.  Melts in your mouth, doesn’t it?

black bunnies

These blingy bunnies come from R.M. Palmer. What’s next, nerdy yellow bunnies eating rice?
[from Dumb as a Blog]


What have I done?

[Edited Feb 2018, nine years later. Green text has happened since initial publishing.]

I can’t say no to a list!

So the rule is to “italicize” what you’ve already done…

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (well, sketched)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Hello Body, this is Self

Dear body,

This is your sense of self—your consciousness—speaking. I realize that we don’t communicate often, and I’m sorry I forgot to call you on your birthday, but this is important.

I know what you’re up to. Your pathetic attempt at “mutiny on the bountiful body” just won’t work. I’m the captain of this voluptuous vessel, and I’m calling an end to your shenanigans. Enough!

I realize that you hope to take over as master of our life, but need I remind you that without me, your actions not only lack all meaning, but you could possibly cease to exist at all?

I’ve let you run amok since you were born. Remember how the lungs wouldn’t sign the treaty of cooperation and the blood vessels had to let everyone know by turning the face blue? Nurses had to stick you with dozens of needles, probe you with tools and hook you up to machines for days just because of your stubbornness and ability to act as a team.

Now, almost 26 years later, I’m actually proud of you—like any caring leader should be. You learned how to walk, eat, enunciate, snap your fingers, do basic dance moves, and do a lot of self-healing. You’re all grown up now and have formed a union; and I recognize these latest actions of rebellion as your strike against I, the management.

I see your methods from the past two days: the back spasms, cold virus, menstruation, hang nail, toe splinter, headaches, and ear congestion. Yes, they are influential, and yes, I am angry with you. But I shall not give in! I am the captain, the leader, the mind. I govern, and I decide when to call it quits!

So get your shit together and go back to work!!